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I went skydiving today for the first time. This guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the Plane and as we plummeted, he said: “So, how long have you been an Instructor?"
Guy walks up to the counter and orders a Guinness, the woman says to him "oh you must be Irish. The man takes huge offence, "how fecking dare you say that, that's racist. Just because I ordered....
.... A Guinness I must be fecking Irish, if I ordered a bold of pasta would ye think I was Italian? No offence ment, says the lady. It's just that this is a library.
I got sick in Madrid, and my hotel told me they have a doctor on staff. I was surprised to hear that. They said, "No one expects the Spanish inn physician!"
A man was checked into the ICU today when it was discovered… He had 12 plastic horses inserted through his rectum. Doctors are now describing his condition as “stable”.
Dr Pete had this little voice in he head it kept saying, look Pete u not the first doc to sleep with his patients, then the voice of reason would reply but u are a veterinarian Pete
so I asked Siri, "Surely, it's not going to rain today?" And she replied, "Yes it is, and don't call me Shirley." That was when I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode
Worse than you think. I have 6 partners, 4 of whom i am their only partner and we're fluid bound, 2 are long distance that i see less often, and a new friend with benefits that is getting pretty drrty
I’m still mystified over the utility of it. It took me forever to find the list of who has winked at you. It then what? PM? Just send a PM! I’ve never winked back. What happens?